Being compassionate

Most of us have been taught that being compassionate is about caring for someone else's well-being or misfortune and is a part of it. What many don't realize is that being compassionate is also knowing that everyone is doing the best they can at their level of consciousness. At the basic level we need to be respectful of others, regardless of their attitude and at a deeper level we need the energy of our interaction to be compassion.

Respecting others is easy when you understand that respect is an act of self not induced by an action. Respect is not a reaction, you either are or are not respectful.

I had a neighbor years ago that lived in an unit below mine. He was around 70 years of age. He was simply a mean man as I interpreted. I greeted him every time I saw him and he would ignore me. I had began getting letters from the condominium about noise complaints and high heels. I didn't think I was noisy but became more aware. I was in my twenties so I often would have friends come visit. I then got a letter that there were cars honking their horns at all times. I couldn't understand what that had to do with me. I had a rabbit in those days and one day this person saw me leaving with my rabbit, soon after I received a letter of complaint about hupping noises. I had it, I knew it was him and I was angry. I attended the next condominium meeting. There was no one there under the age of 50 and I was a little intimidated about standing up and speaking, but I did. They laughed in disbelief when I talked about these letters. I said, one of your letters mentioned high heels noises at all times. I don't walk around my apartment in heels all day. The cars horns, my friends knock at my door, they don't honk for me, and my rabbit is 5 pounds even if he hupped all day on a carpet who could hear it? The guy was at the meeting. They laughed, including him. It was a nervous laugh, no one assumed responsibility for the complaints and I felt empowered when I realized that they were more nervous than I was and probably ashamed. I had spoken my truth and waited for someone to tell me what their problem was with me . No one did. I think I wanted a face off I felt strong and right.

I had vented and felt I had won something but it didn't feel that it was that important after all. Whoever was doing all the complaining and whoever was doing the delivery probably had nothing more important to do.

I kept greeting him respectfully every time I encountered him, but I had accepted he was a miserable man, so I was better that him. This behavior and these feelings were the non compassionate side of me flourishing even more.

One particular evening I went down to take the trash and on my way back I rushed to the elevator to find him inside it. I thought great, but still I said good evening, how are you tonight? This time he replied, how should I be my cancer is back for the 3rd time. I felt a wall crumble and it wasn't his wall it was mine. I think all I said was I'm sorry. I can't remember anything else but 2 floors felt like 24. I remember the feeling. It was the feeling of who I used to be. All this time I thought I had so much on him, I had plenty of reasons not to like him, I was the good one he was the bad one. But there I was a healthy 22 year old, a recent psychology graduate, living a good life in front of a 70 year old man battling cancer for the 3rd time. I thought of all the times I saw him walking with his head down and thought he was ignoring me, but maybe he was just sad. All the time I said hi and he didn't reply, maybe he was struggling, all the complaints I received, maybe it gave him control of something he needed, maybe it wasn't even him. My interactions were the same but their meaning had changed and I felt compassion for him and sadness for my behavior. I knew I was acting from unawareness. I had made a situation about me which is what we do when we act from a place unawareness or selfishness.

In relating this story some would tell me, but how would you know he was sick? the thing is I didn't have to know, it is enough to be aware that everyone has a story and everyone faces battles in their lives, instead I had created my own battle, I had fought it and thought I had won. But I had lost the kind side of me. Others would tell me, you were never mean to him, true, but that was my nature, however I knew that in my cordial behavior there had not been a thought or energy of kindness and as important as behavior is the energy behind the behavior equally matters. I believe energy heals and in all my hellos I could have been sending him healing thoughts and not thoughts of judgment. I knew that. But I learned from that. Compassion was something that came naturally to me as a child and somewhere I had lost it.

So why is compassion important, for once you will inevitably make mistakes and be less than you should at times and you will depend on someone else's compassion to carry you through. . I was in a away, afraid of this man. That's why I felt a need to confront him back then.

Every time we meet someone, if we don't understand their behavior we become fearful and we interpret their behavior from the point of view of our fears. This happens just as much with people we care for, not just strangers. if we don't approve of their actions we tend to easily become offended or hurt without realizing that we created that feeling, we gave it meaning. We blame someone else for hurting us as if we are powerless and so we we feel entitled to judge them and all this happens when compassion is nonexistent. We fail to realize that if compassion is gone, it is gone for us too. You may pity a situation or make yourself the victim, all powerless states provoke by a growing ego that feeds from fear in a compassionless state of being.

Compassion changes everything, you no longer interact with the purpose of means to the end. You are able to be empathetic to others and kind towards yourself.

When you feel doubt about someone, it is you and your ability to handle yourself that you are doubting. Do you know what makes this person you are judging cry, or even the last time they did. Is this more about you than it is about them? if so what about you do you need to accept because the validation won't come from anyone else. Your ego will always want a reward and it will tell you that you need to get something, feel something, be something or know something, but who you are is only yours and it is your energy by which you can really connect or understand.

To have empathy for someone you don't need details you need compassion, the missing parts are filled by you.

When I see people with road rage or easily offended I feel compassion as I know they have lost theirs. Whatever their situation they have become so unaware that they function through negativity, they are easily frustrated and angry and they tend to take that anxiety out on others around. Just standing on compassion you can do more for them than reacting in any way. Practising empathy and compassion gives you true empowerment.

You don't need to be empathetic with everyone you come across, only with those you wish to connect, but you do need to be compassionate with everyone as you will not find peace and happiness without it.